I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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