just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
