dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
