but the lizard people decide everything anyway
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
