this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
