my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
