he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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