all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
