We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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