How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
