people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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