When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
