did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
