Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
