I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
