I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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