You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
