STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
