normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
