So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
