rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
