Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
