I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just high enough for therapy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
