My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
