all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
