apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
