So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
