i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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