Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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