if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
