I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
