I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
