can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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