I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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