And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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