Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
