she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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