I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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