Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
