So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
