I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
