You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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