I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
