frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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