so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
