I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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