I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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