but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
