I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
