remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
