You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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