Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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